Journal Entry: Sun Dec 23, 2012, 11:09 PM
I want to say im sorry. For the last couple months of me being. Of lack of a better term. unbarable.
There is something i need to let everyone know, as to why i been constantly so sensative about everything. A couple months ago i lost someone increadibly close to me. My grandmother…now i have had other family deaths yes, but i was never as close to those people as i was with her. Growing up i would in the floor of the house, right above her. i would see her every day, and we were increadibly close. With my family of very business and very catholic people, i am kinda the black sheep. being more artistic and well undefin religion wise. But she was the only one who made me not feel like a outcast among my own family, she was just as weird as i was, infact thats where i would get it from.
For the past couple years she had been sick, in and out of the hospital, all that fun stuff. she stayed optamistic, always had a smile on her face when we would come to visit, something to admire.
When she passed, i didn't know how to handle it, adn i still don't know how to feel at the moment. Its almost like a lost feeling.
Not only did i lose someone increadibly close to me, i also lost one of the few people, who i could be myself around, without fear, like i was important, could do anything..cause thats how she made it seem.
So as i was sayin, I been very easly emotional this past month, cause christmas time was always her time. she woudl go all out, it would be crazyness..but in the fun way, and just…it feels so dead now. To me, the colors arnt as bright, the music isn't cheery…the joy is just..not there for me. So the past month has been hard and i can mix all my emotions into one big brew of madness. cause i bottle them all up.
So if i have been a obnoxious emotional head case as of latley. I am sorry for that. its noones fault by my own.
I just don't know how to fix it, or myself.